What Makes Therapy Actually Work?
Hint: It’s not just about theory & technique…
If you’ve ever looked into therapy—whether for yourself, your relationship, or someone you love—you’ve probably noticed there are a lot of modalities out there. EMDR, CBT, IFS, EFT, Somatic Experiencing... It can feel overwhelming, especially when you're trying to figure out what will actually make you feel better.
Here’s a bit of grounding truth: while certain techniques can be really powerful, what really makes therapy effective are some universal, human ingredients. These are often called the common factors of therapy. They show up across every approach, and they’re what actually make healing possible—no matter the method.
So, whether you're looking for couples counseling to stop the cycle of the same old fight, or you’re hoping to work through trauma in a more body-based way, these are the things that matter most.
1. A Safe, Trusting Relationship
This is the heartbeat of therapy. If you don’t feel safe, understood, or like your therapist gets you, it’s really hard to go anywhere meaningful. Research shows that the quality of the relationship between therapist and client is one of the strongest predictors of change. You could be doing EMDR or any other fancy technique—but if there’s no trust, the nervous system won’t let you go there. It just won’t.
2. A Shared Understanding of the Problem
This might sound simple, but it matters. You need to feel like your therapist sees what you’re going through, and that you’re both on the same page about what’s actually happening. In couples therapy, this often looks like both partners feeling equally seen—not one person getting “sided with.” You’re working with your therapist, not just being talked at or analyzed.
3. A Belief That Change is Possible
If you’ve felt stuck for a long time, this one can be hard to access. But when you sit with someone who genuinely believes in your capacity to grow and shift—even when things feel messy or painful—it can be a powerful turning point. That sense of hope, even if it’s borrowed at first, helps create the space for real movement.
4. Something New to Try
Therapy isn’t just talking about your feelings. It should also give you something new—whether that’s a fresh perspective, a somatic tool to ground your body, or a new way of showing up in your relationship. Insight alone doesn’t lead to change, but insight paired with support and action? That’s where the magic happens.
What About Modalities Like EMDR and Somatic Experiencing?
These are two of the most effective tools I use in my practice. EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) and Somatic Experiencing are especially powerful for trauma, anxiety, and deeply held patterns that aren’t just “in your head”—they’re stored in the body.
But even these well-researched, effective methods depend on the common factors I just talked about. Without trust, attunement, and a sense of safety, EMDR and somatic work can feel mechanical—or worse, overwhelming. It’s the relationship that creates the conditions for these tools to actually work.
So while I love using modalities that go deep, I always come back to the basics: you need to feel safe, seen, and supported. That’s the foundation. The rest builds from there.
So... What Should You Look for in a Therapist?
If you're searching for therapy—especially relationship counseling, trauma work, or something body-based like Somatic Experiencing—try not to get too caught up in the alphabet soup of modalities. Yes, they matter. But the fit matters more.
Ask yourself:
Do I feel like this person sees me?
Do I feel a little more grounded just being in the room with them?
Do I feel like we’re in this together?
Those are the things that make therapy work, whether you're healing from relational trauma, navigating infidelity, working on anxious attachment patterns, or just trying to feel a little more like yourself again.
If you’re curious about how this all fits together—or wondering if therapy might help you or your relationship—I’d love to hear from you. I offer attachment-based couples therapy, trauma work using EMDR and Somatic Experiencing, and a space that honors both the science of change and the art of being human..
If this sounds like something you’re interested in, contact me and we can set something up! I look forward to hearing from you.
